kal.computer
can we make the web fun again?
build 2026-01-29 utc-05

January 29, 2026

Pizza Front Investigation 2026

How deep does the rabbithole go?

[The business name will be redacted for obvious reasons]

Businesses popping up overnight didn’t take me by surprise too often when I was in college. I distinctly remember a Subway across from my university transitioning into a curry joint overnight. After COVID (ugh, I know), the overnight pop-up seemed to disappear. More often than not, a new business announcement would be followed by weeks/months/years of infrequent updates, stagnant social media presence, and rarely an opening. (gofundme mention?)

While not a new phenomenon, the perpetually delayed business opening became much more common as licensing, zoning, permits, and safety precautions created additional red tape for business owners. These new (or at least, more stauntly enforced) barriers to entry confused me. Every week I’d see a legacy business go under with no warning. My college street became a ghost town nearly overnight. Why are they making it harder for new businesses to replace things?

All these questions became mostly irrelevant when a long-vacant storefront on my lively street sprung to life with no press release, no social media, not even a Google Profile. Property records show that the space was once a tattoo parlor, but my tenure as a REDACTED Street resident knew the location of the enternal “For Rent” sign. Frequently peering inside the vacant space on my walks, I’d imagine a quaint retail space. Maybe a fourth CBD shop that would appeal to people that don’t want to smoke it out of Rick and Morty bongs would finally corner the market…

Imagine my surprise when my daily passby brought me across a cheap neon sign advertising “REDACTED Street Pizza - Coming Soon”. My first W-2 Providing Job was at a fantastic pizza place where I spent three years bussing, baking and learning about adult life. How the fuck did they fit a pizza oven in this tiny space? I had to find out. I made a mental note to circle back when the place opened in six months to give it an industry-veteran critique.

I couldn’t believe my eyes. The spot opened mere days after my initial encounter. I popped into the Google reviews to see what was being said. Several five star reviews greeted me with promises of quality slices, generous toppings on the pies and some bold claims of “some of the best pizza I’ve had”. 6 of the 8 initial reviews had zero previous reviews. Let’s check if Reddit (plug local.gripe) has anything to say about it:

Brady St Pizza. 10/10 pie and customer service (thin crust though)

I click through to the profile. Suspended. Time to take things into my own hands. A friend of mine wanted to record a song and we agreed we’d make the journey to grab some slices in between recording and mastering the track.

-jokes about gate